Window

I remember watching an Alfred Hitchcock movie with a friend in high school where the main character solves a mystery just with the evidence he sees out his window. I have done a lot of looking out of windows the last 5 months. Usually months I prefer being on the other side of the windows. One window in particular has been very dirty most of those 5 months. I cleaned it today. One window cleaned.

"I Can"

It's been a long time since I attempted a post. Since the last post I have felt things I wouldn't wish upon anyone. Postpartum depression is, or at least can be, something very much different than I had imagined. How much I have learned and will continue to learn in this healing process. How grateful I am for the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the knowledge that someday, all wounds---physical, emotional, and spiritual---will be healed.

There has been a time in the recent past where sustaining my own life was grueling. To do things that were part of everyday life takes a lot of convincing and willing myself to do them. I have learned that knowledge is key when we don't feel to do something. In other words, I'm glad I know how to mother in certain ways because of time tested work, because I certainly don't feel loving and patient in the midst of this disease. Anyway, I told myself this morning, "I can write my first post." My family continues to grow and move on as I do my best to augment this healing process....

Talmage broke his first pair of glasses playing basketball with Bryant...hey, they lasted 7 months.

Bryant started the Spectrum Program at Livingston Elementary. The tender mercy of the Lord put two praying mantis, a butterfly, and a petrified rock on his path to his classroom and completely distracted him from his nervousness. "All Creatures of our God and King..."

Sariah lost her first tooth last night...thrilled she was, and a whole lot tougher than her brothers.

Hyrum needs more attention, but did stay in his bed tonight without a fuss. A wonderful blessing.

Rex and Lyle broke 12 pounds 2 weeks ago.

James was ambitious enough to venture away from the traditional BBQ and barbequed pizza for the seminary opening social. (With a lot of help.) It was a sensation.

Perhaps someday I'll go into detail about the journey of the last 6 weeks to raise awareness or promote another worthy cause. For now, I'd just like to forget most of it. I want to be the same "Makala" I used to be, but realize I will never be the same. My goal is a better Makala.

Until then---living, breathing angels surround me as "I can" become the person I work to be.